Your pain is your gift

There are many types of pain we each face. Some common sources are the pain of rejection, the pain of failure, and the pain of defeat. Most people tend to avoid pain and seek comfort. This is counter intuitive because we are built to grow from pain. On the other side of pain is where you find success.

You lose or you learn

Instead of thinking about loss as painful, why not think of it as a chance to learn and improve? This shift in attitude gives you the ability to move forward without the hesitation that comes from the fear of experiencing pain. But, it takes a conscious effort to first take a risk of loss and then to learn if you experience loss. It’s the second step that is most important the the step that people typically don’t take.

An example I like to use is training Jiu Jitsu. Typically people learn the most over the first six months. Why? Because they don’t know anything and continue to get submitted by better opponents. When they get submitted, they ask how it happened and learn to not let it happen again. There is no failure because they except that they don’t know anything and want to learn.

However, once they become more advanced, something changes. Instead of learning from their losses, they strive not to lose. They do it by playing it safe and stop taking risks. Basically, their ego takes over and they won’t put themselves in the position to lose anymore. Although they don’t often get submitted, they also stagnate in their growth. Whereas, the student who is forever striving to learn, will continue to put themselves at risk and, if they lose, they will figure it out so they don’t lose the same way again in the future.

Be a black belt with a white belt spirit

The best black belts are the ones who continuously challenge themselves and take risks. They put themselves into bad positions and try new things. If they lose, there is no ego. They are in a constant state of learning because they want to keep improving. Whether it’s martial arts, a different hobby, or even a career the same logic applies. If you want to be the best, then give yourself the opportunity to lose. The more you do this, the less you will keep losing in the future and eventually you will become the person you strive to be.